Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Insomnia

It is the middle of the night.  I have a nursling and I should be sleeping.  A boy the size of a giant is asleep in my bed, but the actual giant is in his 'other home' so there IS enough room for sleep, and yet, here I am, unable to sleep.  So, why not blog?  Don't answer that.  Tomorrow I will go on a journey to view what could possibly be the next home of the Cirque de Doggett.  This probably has a lot to do with why I am not sleeping.  My sister, the saint, has moved something like 15 times since she's been married.  She can probably do it in her sleep, she seems to do it with such grace.  Or maybe she just has enough sense to not tell me all the nail biting horrible bits.  So far, our house has been on the market for exactly one month, and we've had exactly one visitor.  The house-selling part has been what you might call slow here on Slow lane.  The circus performers have ditched their normal acts for laundry folding, bed making and bathroom scrubbing--not bad habits to hone.  The 'oh hell' room has had a serious attitude re-adjustment, and the lack of clutter has actually opened up room for creativity just like all those clutter hating neat freaks say it will.  I hate it when they're right.  And yet, and yet..... this is not the first of nights when two cups of chamomile and two hours in bed lead to me getting up to contemplate my life.  Am I worrying?  Maybe.  See that photo up there?  This is the oasis from the rest of the world to which I have come home for the past seven years.  I remember when we first moved in, and I would come home on hot summer days to the coolness of the forest and think, "Ahhhhh... I live in paradise."  I still think that.  And now I have a whole community of friends surrounding me, and they are just not being very easy to leave.  None of them suck, not a single one.  That's why this moving thing has been all hot air for so long.... two years!  Two years ago I was newly pregnant with baby #4 and wondering how the heck I could move away from all that good stuff.  I couldn't and I pretty much told my husband this.  Two years and one 15 month old later, and here we finally are at this crossroads.  Here is my list of things that I think about when I can't sleep:
How will I find quiet in a city when I sometimes have a hard time finding it here?  Oh yeah... it's inside. 
Are kids really as resilient as everyone says they are?
Will it be as easy to make friends as it has been here?
Will I find a place to buy raw milk and fresh eggs?
Will moving have the desired effect of more family time?
How will homeschooling look in a new place?
Will I be able to say no to the constant stream of interesting looking activities in a city that's so big?
Am I cool enough for Portland?
Will my brother and his wife get tired of being my only friends?
Is this really the right thing to do?

Oy vey.  My eyelids are getting droopy now.  maybe that means i can sleep.  i hope everyone else is getting a goodly amount of zzzzzz's tonight. 
In other news:  Sound of Music curtain/clothing project nearly finished.  Photos to follow
                         PhotoSunday postponement is not permanent.  Keep transfixed to this spot for news
                         Country Fair this weekend! 

Oyasumi Nasai

7 comments:

Charlie said...

"Will my brother and his wife get tired of being my only friends?"

We'll happily fill in as well!

And if Tom's cool enough for Portland, certainly you are.

-Charlie

Emily said...

Ditto what Charlie said. They won't be your ONLY friends, because there's us!

hi, i'm kat. said...

you are cool enough for anywhere! you will filter out how much there is to do, you will create your own quiet, the kids will be ok (we moved cross country and mine survivied!). and all of your corvallis friends will not be so far away! xoxo

LaelShine said...

Awwww,your post broke my heart. It'll all be ok. Just one step at a time, everything will work itself out.

sarah said...

Thanks everybodies.... the house viewing went well, and I realized on the way home, or maybe it was at the park with my cool brother (with silly sunglasses) and his awesome family--who are just SOME of my friends up there, that it doesn't really matter where we live. Home IS where you make it, and I feel good about making a home up there. :)

thoesing said...

Seems fitting to leave an insomniesque reply...

Moving usually sucks, but IS invariably cleansing for souls and closets alike. After all, every circus must, erelong, search out new audiences.

Whatever the future holds, there really are no right or wrong moves. But you may find it helpful to put this one in context with some past BIG moves: to Harlan, Felton, Tokyo, Tvind, Yelapa. And then, you may ask yourself: well, how did I get here? :)

Knittripps said...

Good luck in this time of transition! Several months ago I was not sleeping at all. Normally I am a very good sleeper. My insomnia was most assuredly brought on by anxiety. I started coloring mandalas before bed to relax and center. It seemed to help.