Saturday, January 02, 2010

Waving at 2010


It is the dawn of a new decade! I have been parenting for a whole decade. Wow. That is kind of amazing. I still feel like an imbecile at it many days. When I look back, which I was just doing, trying to hit Snapfish's sale on calenders (and missing it), I see that we are a happy, busy, messy, noisy family with lots of hobbies and interests and outings and games and stuff and fun. I look at the three growing faces of my children, new teeth, longer hair, darker hair, taller bodies, bigger hands and feet, and the growing older faces of Robert and me. We are all changing and transforming all of the time, under this roof and out in the world. It is happening fast.
I remember the first time I went to the ocean. I was nineteen and I had rather abruptly uprooted myself from my midwest home and replanted myself in the redwoods of Santa Cruz county. I went to the ocean and expected to swim. It was beautiful, it was vast, it was awe inspiring. It was also very, very cold. I got in, still planning on a swim and a wave came and knocked me right over and went over my head and for a moment, I thought I was a goner. And in that moment I also thought it wasn't such a bad way to go. Nearly every day, I feel a bit like the Sarah in the Wave: knocked on my ass, wondering which way is up, marvelling at the power of it all, and thinking that if I survive, I'm gonna be more sane next time and not walk straight into the Wave. Then, the next wave hits and it happens all over again. Somehow, I keep surviving and managing to upright myself and find my way back to the beach and look out over the vast wonderfulness of it all, and go right back in. Sometimes, I even figure out how to get beyond the breaking Wave to the place where I can actually swim, and enjoy the serenity of being in that vast cold, beautiful ocean--that is a rare thing.
I am not so big on resolutions--I seem to make them and then break them the next minute--like the one I almost made about being in bed by midnight. I would like to make a sort of rough sketch of my intention for the next decade, and it shows me, riding the waves, getting beyond the break and enjoying the ride, whatever it is, more often. Sure, the feeling of surviving getting slammed into the sand is exhilirating, and I'm sure there will be plenty of that.
A friend said to me at the New Year's Eve party: "You look so young and pretty tonight!" And I said, "I am young and pretty! I was just pretending to be the other way!" :) And now, since it is just shortly after midnight, I must go to bed.

3 comments:

kat said...

so beautiful my friend! you are an AMAZING mother....so inspiring, loving and interested. hope to see you soon, why is it so hard to get together?? happy 2010 ;)

Linda H. said...

I love: "rough sketch of intention"

yes, me too!

Kathy P. said...

Quite a few years ago, I made a lifetime New Year's Resolution ... one that I have kept since and intend to keep each year. That is: No "New Year's Resolutions" or goals are ever allowed to start on January 1st. It really helps to keep them from controlling me, discouraging me, or getting easily broken.